lockon2urheart (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lockon2urheart) wrote2009-01-23 09:34 pm
lockon2urheart) wrote2009-01-23 09:34 pm
[RL with Ten - Waking Up]
[Lockon was lying in the hospital bed, like he has been for the past month. However, over the last few days, the EEG machine had been registering more and more brain activity, and the pain reaction tests had begun to get slight reactions. He'd even just about surfaced into conciousness a couple of times, although only ever momentarily, and not long enough for the experiences to be remembered as anything other than a part of the surreal dreams flitting through his unconcious mind. The times spent in the deep, unresponsive state had been getting smaller and smaller, though, and this time, when he opened his eyes with a deep breath, they stayed open.
His thoughts were muzzy and sluggish, and he attempted to collect them. Space, that was the last thing he remembered, being in space...and Haro, he remembered Haro saying something, and he remembered...pain, that was a pretty strong memory... and then it clicked, somewhat. He'd been leaving Haro in Dynames and going to face Ali Al-Saachez, he remembered with a jolt. He'd been taking a stance on the half-destroyed GN Arms, and....
and...
...he couldn't remember anything else, after that, just the odd unconnected image with no apparent link between them. What had happened out there, and where was he now?
He tried to sit up to get a better look, only to fall back down with a groan. His body had grown unused to supporting his weight, and it complained about the sudden movement.
His thoughts were muzzy and sluggish, and he attempted to collect them. Space, that was the last thing he remembered, being in space...and Haro, he remembered Haro saying something, and he remembered...pain, that was a pretty strong memory... and then it clicked, somewhat. He'd been leaving Haro in Dynames and going to face Ali Al-Saachez, he remembered with a jolt. He'd been taking a stance on the half-destroyed GN Arms, and....
and...
...he couldn't remember anything else, after that, just the odd unconnected image with no apparent link between them. What had happened out there, and where was he now?
He tried to sit up to get a better look, only to fall back down with a groan. His body had grown unused to supporting his weight, and it complained about the sudden movement.
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[For a moment, the Doctor's face registered complete shock - clearly that thought hadn't even occurred to him.] What? Oh, no no no. I didn't have to do anything like that for them. Just get them to safety. They're all hiding on other worlds now. Well, except for Feldt. Actually, she's here in the hospital right now.
[Well. Not everyone, and that thought made him bow his head a little.] ... there were two that I couldn't save, though. Lichtendal and Christina were already dead when I got there. Saving them would have meant crossing my own timeline, and even I can't do that. I'm sorry.
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Chris and Lichty?
[A quiet No... escaped him, and he sagged back against the bed. Chris and Lichty, dead..? It was unthinkable - he may have known the risks of Celestial Being, but even so and even if he hadn't stayed optimistic about their chances - Chris and Lichty were the last two people he would have even considered -
He turned to stare unseeingly at the blankets for only a moment, before his eyes closed. He spoke numbly, tone almost dull with barely controlled emotions, the only outside hints of which were the creases in his brow and the clenching of his hands.]
It's not your fault, Doctor. You tried. That's more than you had to do. [He tried to say and they understood it was a possibility when they joined, like all of us, but the words stuck in his throat. All he could think of was Chris' face when they'd all regrouped after that first mission when the Ptolemy had been endangered. Pale, with red eyes where she'd clearly been crying, and a smile full of relief that they'd all made it through. She'd not been prepared for death. There was a world of difference between sort of knowing something might possibly maybe happen in the hypothetical future and actually knowing, mentally preparing yourself for the worst-case scenario.
He clenched his fists harder in the sheets. They were so young, how could they know? He remembered Lichty had told him once about his crush on her; had he ever managed to confess? They were...they'd been so young, and cheerful, and full of life. The world wasn't fair, when bastards like Ali Al-Saachez lived until adulthood and good people died when they were barely teenagers. He felt sick to his stomach.]
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[He said no more as he looked away. He didn't have to; his tone of voice said it for him. People could tell him that it wasn't his fault all they wanted, until they were blue in the face, but he would still feel responsible, couldn't help it. He hadn't had the pleasure of knowing Christina and Lichtendal, but other people had. People who were his friends. He didn't usually stick around to see the consequences of things; it always cut too deep after so many times. And this was it right up close and personal. Grief was such a private, such a personal thing that even just sitting in the same room suddenly felt like an intrusion.]
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Lockon did what he'd done too many times before, in the days before Celestial Being, when he'd had comrades in war who'd fought and died alongside him. He pushed the grief down, forcing it back until an appropriate time came and he could deal with it.
He took a deep breath.] Doctor, you said Feldt was in here too. How is she? [She would have been on the bridge too. He felt worry coil in him, rising from where shock had overpowered it.]
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Feldt? She's doing fine, considering everything. She wasn't injured, if that's what you mean. I've been looking after her since. Well, since it all happened, but she's spent more time sitting here in this room than anywhere else. [He smiled fondly; Feldt really was a good kid.] Actually, I just packed her off to get some lunch about ten minutes or so before you woke up, or she would never have moved.
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[Fears about the other members of CB - Chris and Lichty aside, with a a suppressed twinge of pain in his heart - assuaged, he was free to think a little harder about what the Doctor had said.] So all this time, you...you knew what we were doing. [He shook his head with a sigh and the beginnings of a wry smile. Suddenly, certain things from that one virus where they'd all been kids made a lot more sense.] You know, that explains a lot, now I think about it.
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