[While he'd jerked forward slightly at the mention of Feldt - she's in the hospital? She's hurt?! - he froze at the Doctor's next words. When he spoke, it was with a quiet, incredulous horror.]
Chris and Lichty?
[A quiet No... escaped him, and he sagged back against the bed. Chris and Lichty, dead..? It was unthinkable - he may have known the risks of Celestial Being, but even so and even if he hadn't stayed optimistic about their chances - Chris and Lichty were the last two people he would have even considered -
He turned to stare unseeingly at the blankets for only a moment, before his eyes closed. He spoke numbly, tone almost dull with barely controlled emotions, the only outside hints of which were the creases in his brow and the clenching of his hands.]
It's not your fault, Doctor. You tried. That's more than you had to do. [He tried to say and they understood it was a possibility when they joined, like all of us, but the words stuck in his throat. All he could think of was Chris' face when they'd all regrouped after that first mission when the Ptolemy had been endangered. Pale, with red eyes where she'd clearly been crying, and a smile full of relief that they'd all made it through. She'd not been prepared for death. There was a world of difference between sort of knowing something might possibly maybe happen in the hypothetical future and actually knowing, mentally preparing yourself for the worst-case scenario.
He clenched his fists harder in the sheets. They were so young, how could they know? He remembered Lichty had told him once about his crush on her; had he ever managed to confess? They were...they'd been so young, and cheerful, and full of life. The world wasn't fair, when bastards like Ali Al-Saachez lived until adulthood and good people died when they were barely teenagers. He felt sick to his stomach.]
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Chris and Lichty?
[A quiet No... escaped him, and he sagged back against the bed. Chris and Lichty, dead..? It was unthinkable - he may have known the risks of Celestial Being, but even so and even if he hadn't stayed optimistic about their chances - Chris and Lichty were the last two people he would have even considered -
He turned to stare unseeingly at the blankets for only a moment, before his eyes closed. He spoke numbly, tone almost dull with barely controlled emotions, the only outside hints of which were the creases in his brow and the clenching of his hands.]
It's not your fault, Doctor. You tried. That's more than you had to do. [He tried to say and they understood it was a possibility when they joined, like all of us, but the words stuck in his throat. All he could think of was Chris' face when they'd all regrouped after that first mission when the Ptolemy had been endangered. Pale, with red eyes where she'd clearly been crying, and a smile full of relief that they'd all made it through. She'd not been prepared for death. There was a world of difference between sort of knowing something might possibly maybe happen in the hypothetical future and actually knowing, mentally preparing yourself for the worst-case scenario.
He clenched his fists harder in the sheets. They were so young, how could they know? He remembered Lichty had told him once about his crush on her; had he ever managed to confess? They were...they'd been so young, and cheerful, and full of life. The world wasn't fair, when bastards like Ali Al-Saachez lived until adulthood and good people died when they were barely teenagers. He felt sick to his stomach.]